Feeling Heartbroken

I haven’t seen my dear little Buster in over a week, and Sunny hasn’t been by since last month. I did see a fox run into the woods near Buster’s burrow a few days ago. I also heard a hawk in the woods later that day. Maybe it was the same hawk that dive-bombed my neighbor’s bird-seed party, the attendants of which were numerous songbirds and the chipmunk that lives in her front yard.

Everyone was getting along so nicely before the hawk interjected itself, but I was able to save their lives and steal the hawk’s opportunity for a meal. I jumped out of my rocking chair (I was witnessing this from my sunroom) and ran into the fray yelling NYC style. The critters and birds dispersed. The hawk watched from the tree top, then flew away. I couldn’t, however, intervene to save the 35 (yes, thirty-five!) Least Tern nests that got destroyed last week by a fox according to the weekly endangered seabird report I receive as a volunteer Piping Plover monitor.

I did find a forgotten soft reminder as I photographed my 1920s handkerchief box for this post; the linen hanky with the embroidered letter “A”. It was ironed flat as a piece of paper inside an antique book I had just purchased. I always find comfort and consolation in my books, even if that means a temporary distraction. I was crying at the time because one of my guinea pigs had surgery which had gone wrong, and he passed away from the complications shortly afterward. I blamed myself for not being able to save him and worried that he had suffered.

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When I saw the hanky with my initial on it, it truly felt like a message from beyond, communicating to me that it’s OK to cry, and that his spirit was there to comfort me. I used it to dab my tears and gently hand laundered it for the next time I needed it.

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I do believe that there is a place or plane where we are immune to temporal terror. However, it still hurts in the here and now. (I’ve previously shared some of my thoughts and feelings about the brutality of nature.)

Update June 25th, 6:00 a.m.: Buster was out by his house this morning waiting for me!!

4 thoughts on “Feeling Heartbroken

  1. You have such a kind heart.
    Nature has it’s way of doing things, even if it seems wrong or heartbreaking at times.
    Besides, you tried your best for all these animals!
    Hope you’ll feel better soon…

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  2. I’m so sorry your buddies haven’t been around. I totally understand becoming attached to these special little blessings. Two weeks ago, Ben and I sadly witnessed a loose neighborhood cat kill one of the baby bunnies that lives in our backyard. We just happened to be watching from the window, enjoying the sweet bunnies as we do so often. You’re right – it’s “only natural,” but it still felt like an attack because of the joy the bunnies bring us. I’m hoping your friends will return. *hugs*

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    1. Oh Heather, I would be so traumatized if I had witnessed that! I’m so sorry that happened and that you witnessed it. 😦 I do wish people would keep pet cats indoors, although it could have been a feral cat.

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